Twisted Scribble: An Escapade with A Sensual Spirit

I guess i'm just bored...!

Infatuation Phase I: Stricken!

The first act in the life of an infatuation is that magic moment when someone suddenly takes on "special" meaning for us.

You hear a phrase or a particular inflection in someone's voice that strikes a chord in your heart. You are struck by the exact tilt of his head. You are warmed by a gaze or an unexpected tenderness. An intriguing remark goes straight to your soul. Or, perhaps from a respectable distance, you notice legs or skin or hair (or a more private physical trait) to die for. Lightning has struck.

Infatuation Phase II: Intrusive Thinking

After the bolt of lightening comes a storm of intrusive thinking about the desired one.

Every experience you now have seems interwoven with their qualities, every shared moment weighted with new meaning. When apart from them, you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminate on their flavor. In fact, many infatuation informants report spending 80 to 100 percent of their time compulsively trying to crystallize the vision of their new love, living in vigilant expectation of the next contact.

Infatuation Phase III: Idealization

Early in the intrusive thinking phase, idealization sets in. The erotic sizzle permeates everything and creates that famous halo with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, the infatuee sees no flaws in the beloved and admits to no blocks to forward progress.

Infatuation Phase IV: The Emotional Rollercoaster

From this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty which has funded libraries of poetry.

At this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Infatuation is now more consciously driven by simple fear. In fact, The Nagging Fear of Not Getting What You Have Begun to Desire is the unique torment reserved for the infatuated elite.

This pattern of human experience is as well-documented as any emotional experience has ever been. You can find poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, and filtering through the voices all around you. It is a famous and favorite form of anguish.

But how can something so uncomfortable be so irresistible?

Celebrating One Year of My Stupid Infatuation!

Well, What more there is to say? A dream better remains as it is.

What are the chances of bumping into him on my next trip to France? Let's narrate this...

1. He has to be alive  AND single (well, not necessarily ...)

2. He has to be in France during mid Jan 07

3. He has to be in Chamonix during mid Jan 07

4. He has to stay in the Chateau i'll be staying during mid Jan 07.

5. I have to look good all the time during my stay (despite the fact that my nose drips as soon as it hits 15 degree and below)... just in case.

6. I have to have the gut to approach him, look him in the eyes and introduce myself.

7. I have to engage him in an interesting conversation.

8. I have keep him engaged and interested after i tell him that i'm engaged (for real) with my soulmate.

9. I have to convince him that it's ok for me to kiss him because he's on my "Celebrities-ok-to-kiss list" along with Angelina Jolie (if i want to kiss a gal, then it has to be her)... of course, this list has been approved by my beloved.

10. I have to act nonchalant and cool after doing his native kiss... and walk away without jumping around like nuts.

Oh dear...

How does 1 to 9,999,999,999 probability sound to you?

If only he read this...  my work will be easier :(

- keep on dreamin' -

One-Year-Itch!

Why a person so good looking... and so unattainable...

Cant believe after (EXACTLY) ONE YEAR... i'm still hot about you....  (man, i'm so pathetic :D)

-itchy gal-

Dreams vs. Family (Part 1)

Family!

As we grow up, we dont see them as often, we dont talk to them as often, we dont even talk about them... unless ... (more often than not) money involved.

The funny thing about family is, no matter how far the distance we try to create, they are still the only people who know EXACTLY how to push our buttons.

The people who can turn our day sour or sweet.

The people whose approval we're yearning (no matter how much i HATE to admit this).

and worse...

They are the people whose love we're constantly seeking.

So what is it with FAMILY?

Is it the "first environment" issue? or is it just social expectation?

I live far away from my family, physically, but boy... trust me, i can never "run away" from them.

Few months ago before my Christmas return to Jakarta, i had this weird recurring dreams.

In my dreams, my family and I were on the way to the airport. They were sending me back to Australia. There was a sense of "escaping" i could feel in my dream.

The weird thing was, no matter what, i was always unable to get on the plane. One night i was procrastinating at home, the other night the traffic was crazy, and on one "fateful" night when i managed to get to the airport, my luggages were so big, they were unable to go through x-ray machine, my plane left me!

What was that?!!

After a few realisations back in Jakarta, i found that some of the reasons why i live far away was to create some distance with my family... or in "Oprah language", i hype it as 'running away from my family'. To some level, i was unhappy and ashamed about my origin, where i'm coming from... and stuff.

It was not an easy challenge for me.

Being a witness to the lives in Jakarta, my heart was broken.

Poverty, suffering and corruption... People's lives are not that worthy.

So... i just learn to ACCEPT.

Accept who i am and where i'm coming from... it shapes who i am now.

Accepting is not an easy task.

But how can you change thing you dont accept?

After that trip, my dreams changed... i was on the plane.

Achtung!! Achtung!!

I, Dwi Stefani Pebriana Gultom of Carnegie, hereby announce that my true and sincere love is presented to my only beloved, Michael Paul Ruffles of Alfredton.

No public announcement of my sexual interest to a third male party can disprove this.

Ps. Darl, stop being grumpy like an old fart. I'M the one who's getting older soon...

Luv you so la....

The Gentle Art of Ferocious Lovemaking

Horny Target at the moment:

Cyril Mourali

Career : French Actor

............

Cyril ... Voulez-vous coucher avec moi... ce soir

Imagined and written by:

Baby

Ps. to my beloved, this has got nothing to do with you... Remember, it's mid-month ... you are still my love interest, kissy-poo...

Who wants to be my REAL friends?

A friendship is not something that can be taken for granted.

I value my friendship and i do it with conscious decision (not because Hallmark told me to :))

Well, so what is it with this "people" who so-called to be 'my friends'?

Let me tell you what...

I like spending time with my friends, so every time i'm invited to party, hang-out, etc... i will definitely say "yes" without thinking, except of course if i have to work or study (mostly i'll waive study for fun).

Even if i arrive late (because of work or awful traffic) i CONSCIOUSLY COMMIT myself to come and meet my "so-called friends".

Why? because i value my words and promise to come... and meet them. I dont treat it as a word pleaser or bullshit stuff just because it's nice to be heard.

Fortunately, i'm one of those rare breeds who keep their words. 

Unfortunately, most of my so-called friends, have severe trouble about keeping their words and promise.

Everytime i invite them for some cool activities (well, at least for me it's cool:)) they will say YES and FLAKE OUT ON THE LAST MINUTES. ALWAYS!! ... well, that or they will say NO straight away.

They will come up with some ridiculous grounds (laziness, etc etc).

Until at one stage, i felt like a masochist here. You know, inviting them around and hoping they will come... then my hope will be (of course) dashed.

So i wonder what is the problem here? Is it me? Is it because they dont wanna spend time with me? Am i terrible for them? Do they speak nasty behind me? or do i just have to start to turn down their invitations? or is it me who has trouble about saying no?

Should i stop inviting them, calling off the friendship and find new REAL friends?

Well, the first thing that came up in mind was they're just Fucked Up... but that's kinda rude... :)

So, are they just some childish people who cant honour their words and their friendship?

Someone who can answer this baffling situation, please contact me...

(i dont intend to invite your pity... i'm just posing a universal question here)

Ps. I dont mean to offend anyone, but if you are... maybe you are one of them. And if you are one of them... you have hurt me (just fyi)

God bless you and me

Cheers

Baby or Stef

Show Me Da Bling bling!!

Two weeks ago, i hung out with my friends and their friends.

I had a great time enjoying this funky band who served a fusion music of hip-hop and heavy jazz. Genius!

But my escapade was ruined by this little bitchy asian guy who sat on the backseat of my car.

Half drunk, half dickheaded, he rambled about how he normally treated his gf. Apparently, he's one of those guys who become money slave to his girl; sugar daddy we might also call. "I always pay for my gf, i gave her a million bucks last year, i bought her designer shoes, etc."

He also boasted about his income and how he always purchased new cars.

And what annoyed me the most was he badgered with these stupid questions about my relationship's money arrangement. So "you'll do 50-50 in your marriage?"

I shut him off.

I almost dropped him on the street side but i felt bad for my friend, since it was hers.

So what's the morale of this story?

A guy who is excessively boastful about his finance size, is most likely to have a severe issue with his genital size.

Yep, normally those who talk as if they were the richest men in the world (and think that everyone else is suckers) need these talks as an avenue to compensate his frustration on his microscopic-size penis.

The bigger the talk, the smaller the penis.

Do you agree?

The "Law-maker"

Baby Stefani

Put the geenie back in his bottle!

Few days ago, i read a joke in a magazine about a geenie, who would rather build a four-lane bridge from California to Hawaii for his master than helping him to understand what women want.

What the hell! Here's a kickback i read from my friend's, Ayu, blog.

Excellent stuff! Finally someone can sum up woman's feelings in a passage. Very beautifully written.

Warning: this could change your man! Please pass this through.

Baby

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking "

Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound... "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money...$$$$$

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money".

"I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation.

I don't need a simple minded man."

"I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster."

"I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden."

"I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded."

"I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him."

"I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive ... he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man."

"I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "

You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Few days ago, i read a joke in a magazine about a geenie, who would rather build a four-lane bridge from California to Hawaii for his master than helping him to understand what women want.

What the hell! Here's a kickback i read from my friend's, Ayu, blog.

Excellent stuff! Finally someone can sum up woman's feelings in a passage. Very beautifully written.

Warning: this could change your man! Please pass this through.

Baby

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking "

Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound... "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money...$$$$$

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money".

"I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation.

I don't need a simple minded man."

"I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster."

"I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden."

"I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded."

"I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him."

"I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive ... he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man."

"I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "

You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Emotionally Slutty

You know you can describe yourself in a thousand ways.

One of my indistict characters to most is being Emotionally Slutty from time to time.

Ask my beloved; how many times has he watched me crying without any reasonable, distinct or sensible reason? Countless, he might answer.

Look, it's not that i'm proud of it, but when i feel close to someone, i can just open up and let my pride wither away, ie. crying for stupid stuff.

Yes, we girls cry during Beautiful Mind and Pretty Woman (coz such guy doesnt exist... and my beloved thinks Richard Gere stinks :( ) and dozens of romantic movies.

But how could i sob over Law and Order: Trial by Jury? it just doesnt add up.

You see, sometimes as a woman i feel extremely privileged. We always have excuses for our unstable emotion or deteriorating performance at one stage.

I always get away with the PMS excuse everytime i whinge on small stuff. And my extremely understanding beloved will comment no more.

And during this time, i can be so sook (i dunno how to spell the word, but my beloved always calls me this everytime i shed more than 3 drops of tears).   

When Friends series were over... i cried

When i saw a little boy in a mall being ignored by his mom ... i sobbed

When i saw the refugee and poverty ads on tv... geez... i changed my sheet

Even thinking about sad stuff that does not happen in real life can force a teardrop out of my eyes. ISNT IT PREPOSTEROUS? crying over virtual thing?... my mind really takes over my body.

Last time when i nagged about my life to my beloved, i had to wash my new towel because it's full of my teardrops and snort (ick@!#)...

I guess, despite my tough and independent exterior, plus my eternal claim of absolute loner...

i'm just a wussy pussy...