Twisted Scribble: An Escapade with A Sensual Spirit

BIG Thanx to my BIG DUDE!

Hey God!

How you doing?

I hope it's still serene and majestic up there...

I wonder if YOU had ever been bored by Heaven's stuff. YOU know, of course it's all holy and perfect, but have you ever felt that YOU missed something that's unavailable on Heaven but loosely disposed on earth?

Well, i guess YOU might think i'm preposterous to be having said that as people will give themselves to death to be admitted up there, plus YOU create everything, so pretty much YOU have experienced good and bad stuff, on earth and Heaven (hence, Jesus)... is it true?

DUDE, i'm learning so hard NOT to judge YOU, NOT to ASSUME that YOU are this and that. Church teaches me to know YOU by learning the Bible. That's it is the ONLY way to reach and to know YOU. is it true?

I mean, i like church so much. i like to be in the house where people praise, worship and pray to YOU. But sometimes they make me feel like a perfect sinner, YOU know, like today. Please remind YOU that by "they" i mean the people in church, NOT the church itself.

Do YOU see me that way? A perfect sinner?

Or is that just the tool they use to make you feel stuck with no choice but to repent? NO alternative, they say.

What's the point of repenting? My comprehension would read the act of a remorsed person to gain a way to retrieve his/her soul and to rekindle their relationship with YOU. but, is there only one way to repent? Coz church has been telling me so. is it true?

I wanna foster a relationship with YOU, BIG DUDE... i mean 'cool relationship' more precisely.
YOU know me before i was formed in my mom's womb, hence my character and my life are an open book for you.

YOU know that i dont like being confined and restricted.
YOU know that i dont like being dictated.
YOU know that i dont like being left with no options.
YOU know that i like to laugh and being cheeky.
YOU know that i like to learn something old and new.
YOU know that i like to smell the rain.
YOU know that i have some hidden secrets, perfectly folded.
YOU know that i have some weaknesses in guys... well, gorgeous guys i might add ;)
YOU know that i have a crave for cheap and juicy celebrity goss.
YOU know that i love my family even though they dont know it and sometimes i hate to admit it.
YOU know that i love my beloved and friends.
and more importantly,... YOU know that i love YOU.

So, is it possible to have a relationship with YOU that is tailored to my character?

I mean, can i talk to you or worship you without having to form a 'prayer position'?.
I mean, can i communicate with YOU in my head and my heart?
I mean, can i share dark and naughty secrets and ideas with you, which are most likely defined as 'unholy' by church people?
I mean, can i pour out all my joy and sorrow anytime i like?
I mean, can i talk to you like i talk to any other people, along with a significant respect for sure, but not all too formal and pretentious (hehehe)?
I mean, can i be mad at YOU for some ridiculous reasons?
I mean, can we have a 'cool relationship' without any boundaries, treat each other as a friend (i mean like friend in real world, not just as a slogan church likes to use... where in fact it's not a very friendly relationship) ?

Well, GOD, actually i wanna dedicate this posting to thank YOU. Not that this is my only medium to send YOU my gratitude, but i want the whole world to know what YOU've done in my life.

BIG DUDE, thanks for everything, i know YOU are awesome and cool.

Thanks that i have a family, who loves me, despite all the disagreements and control they impose to me, along with the persistent justification of 'doing it for my own good'.

Thanks that i have my beloved, who loves me the most when i couldnt return it, who takes me as i am... in practise... (yes, it's not just a boyfriend's promise or slogan i used to hear a lot without any delivery) and who corrects my english grammar (which i dont enjoy :) hehhee).

Thanks that i have cool friends, who even though sometimes they offend me or piss me off, they still care about me and become the place to find solace and comfort.

Thanks that i finally snagged two jobs (not one) that sometimes seem a bit daunting and it takes some time before i get the pay out.

Thanks that YOU are there when shits happen (i mean NOT as the cause, but as the Counselor)... and that YOU remind me that bad judgements that i made or undesirable behaviours that i committed dont always constitute Who I Am.

Thanks that i've become me. That despite my whacky family, unavoidable expectations, irksome 'english lesson', bad allegations, few 'trials' and hectic days, i still manage to see the beauty of life. Even though my life is not always on the right track, i am still able to talk to YOU. Even though YOU allow me to experience low feelings, YOU wont let me drown in them and pick me up on the right time.

and lastly... Thanks for being my GOD...

Multiple-Organ(asm)

My aspired relationship should be no less than a multiple-orgasm...

...mind-blowing, intense, unstoppable, and yet still ask for more...

i'm not saying it for lovers only, but also works for any other relationship models. even with God.

when was the last time you had a "multiple-orgasm relationship"?

i'm working hard to create one now...

yes, i'm trying to create a "multiple-orgasm relationship" with God now...

you might think i'm being profane... next time the church finds out my page, that's it... total ban!

but no, i'm being serious

last time i was in church, i was so close to dance around the room... well, dance is too civil for me, maybe it's more to hopping, jumping, twirling, swirling in the air like Cirque d' soleil and oh, dont forget the chanting.

my body was flowing with the music and dying to burst the passion inside out...

how cant we make the church scene hotter than Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie-Jennifer Aniston threesome drama? (oh admit it, we all enjoy the Tinseltown affair)

Passion may die down. Fire turns into flame, flame turns into spark and then nothing but the crisp air. everything has an end.

but my point remains valid, out of 80 years of our life expectancy, how many hours, days, weeks, months or even years would we spend to lead a passionate life.

if only we have an eternal flame (like the one in Shrine of Remembrance) inside all of us... no matter how gloomy the endeavour will be, we'll still embrace it with the fire in us and turn it into burning night.

the question will be, who will supply the gas? and where can we connect to it?

... to be continued

Unconditional Love

God i love you

even if in the end You refuse to salvage me... i still love You...