Twisted Scribble: An Escapade with A Sensual Spirit

Who wants to be my REAL friends?

A friendship is not something that can be taken for granted.

I value my friendship and i do it with conscious decision (not because Hallmark told me to :))

Well, so what is it with this "people" who so-called to be 'my friends'?

Let me tell you what...

I like spending time with my friends, so every time i'm invited to party, hang-out, etc... i will definitely say "yes" without thinking, except of course if i have to work or study (mostly i'll waive study for fun).

Even if i arrive late (because of work or awful traffic) i CONSCIOUSLY COMMIT myself to come and meet my "so-called friends".

Why? because i value my words and promise to come... and meet them. I dont treat it as a word pleaser or bullshit stuff just because it's nice to be heard.

Fortunately, i'm one of those rare breeds who keep their words. 

Unfortunately, most of my so-called friends, have severe trouble about keeping their words and promise.

Everytime i invite them for some cool activities (well, at least for me it's cool:)) they will say YES and FLAKE OUT ON THE LAST MINUTES. ALWAYS!! ... well, that or they will say NO straight away.

They will come up with some ridiculous grounds (laziness, etc etc).

Until at one stage, i felt like a masochist here. You know, inviting them around and hoping they will come... then my hope will be (of course) dashed.

So i wonder what is the problem here? Is it me? Is it because they dont wanna spend time with me? Am i terrible for them? Do they speak nasty behind me? or do i just have to start to turn down their invitations? or is it me who has trouble about saying no?

Should i stop inviting them, calling off the friendship and find new REAL friends?

Well, the first thing that came up in mind was they're just Fucked Up... but that's kinda rude... :)

So, are they just some childish people who cant honour their words and their friendship?

Someone who can answer this baffling situation, please contact me...

(i dont intend to invite your pity... i'm just posing a universal question here)

Ps. I dont mean to offend anyone, but if you are... maybe you are one of them. And if you are one of them... you have hurt me (just fyi)

God bless you and me

Cheers

Baby or Stef

Vision Rider

Mark 11:24 "Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them."

I'm on a point of 52-week low lately. Bored, unmotivated, and even worse i had some KFC for lunch.

I've been going to school since 17 years ago and counting still. Feel like i'm doing this forever, urghh... I've reached my limit. I've had enough of school...

I know it sounds spoilt and ungrateful, considering that only a teeny tiny fraction of world population can enjoy my privilege. But then what's the frickin point?

I need a holiday, NOT want, but NEED!!!!!

Proverbs 21:

2: Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.
3: To do justice and judgment is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.
4: An high look, and a proud heart, and the plowing of the wicked, is sin.
5: The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but of every one that is hasty only to want.

If only every trader and investor has read Proverbs 21:5

But is it true that the way we judge our deeds through our spectacles will end up with immense justification? ignore all the red flags if your guts say ok.

How will we all understand when death traps are ahead? after that should we make a detour or just stop? Which way to pick?

How should we know that we should progress aggressively with our vision or to just sit back and be content?

When the traffic is slowing down, and the progress has not been made, that's when i rest my vision on my "hope shelf" and kick-back.

Proverbs 2:

⁶All wisdom comes from the LORD, and so do common sense and understanding.

⁹With wisdom you will learn what is right and honest and fair.

¹⁰Wisdom will control your mind, and you will be pleased with knowledge.

¹¹Sound judgment and good sense will watch over you.

¹²Wisdom will protect you from evil schemes and from those liars

¹³who turned from doing good to live in the darkness.

¹⁴Most of all they enjoy being mean and deceitful.

Wisdom comes with humility, as i believe.

So people, when you're on the rock bottom, dont be disheartened. It could be God giving you a field humility training before He elevates your spirit, mind, body, even financial condition.

Vulnerability: The ability to be vulnerable (my version).

I thank God for the vulnerability He blessed me with.

The exposure of layers and realms of feelings to my fragile soul trains me to be less stubborn.

Changes are not my goal. Experiencing is.

I dont know why i'm so prone to something new. Try to embrace it. Spent on it. And then leave it, find something else new. Then the cycle begins again.

Am i born to be an experiencer? that's it?

Guess, i'm in a life junction.

Freedom to choose the life path can be attractive.

But freedom to choose the wrong path is even more attractive.

Twista' Sista'

Twist me, swirl me, any way you want me!

My sassy life has cost me a fortune.

Alannah hill makes my saving statement hilly.

De Cjuba has made me think to move to Cuba.

Diane Von Furstenberg is only the tip of the iceberg.

Review has a good view on my purse.

Purr, Mango, Guess... urgghhh... but the mother of all guilts is... (tada!)

eBay !!

I wonder how did all of my fellow shoppaholics get a 150 bucks Diane Von Furstenberg dress before eBay.

But then again, SALE the best medium to ensnare your wallet.

My beloved told me something different few days ago. This is just right after i jumped over the sale announcements of Nicola Finetti, Vicious Threads and friends, for up to 75%!!!

He said, "Instead of reading 'up to 75% sale or save 75%' why dont you think of it as 'at least 25% spending'... and then think about that you can actually save 100% by NOT SHOPPING"

I replied as if he was mad to miss Finetti's sale... (you know how much his stuff can cost, right? at least one month rent)

But then i paused...

I thought it was a good brainwashing...

......................................................................

So here i am, Friday Evening, sitting down in my office and rambling stuff... NOT shopping!

The repented shoppaholic (at least i try to)

Ps. I've been through almost half a dozen boutiques this week without spending a penny. YAY!!! Guess i'll reward myself this weekend by getting a nice dress from Finetti... ;p   (kiddin'  hope my beloved doesnt read this)

Blessed Be Your Blunder!

My Lord, my Lord! Where art Thou?

Why you let me into this temptation and hell...

I am stupefied by this stupendously stupid brain of mine...

This assignment is worse than the falling sky...

My Lord, my Lord... Where art Thou?

Screw (the) Driver!

uurrgghh...

No, I'm not sorry for fucking everyone!

(now THAT'S my girl)

I'm just practising the anger management theory.

Whether 'fucking everyone' is actually an effective tool to vent your anger and take the edge off as a result.

And guess what, i'm the one still who's still "screwed"  :(

There, there, so now is the time to switch to "Oprah approach"

Let's trace back to the root of my anger and anxiety...

okay, i overburden myself, am overloaded with responsibilities, let people depend on me, am involved in too many activities, am too tired now, have too many dreams and ACT upon them, and lastly HAVEN'T GOT ANY JOB, of which my pretentious ass would believe NONE of them deserves me.

Am i overloaded with responsibilities or self-pride?

Am i an idealist humanitarian crusader or a pompous bitch who thinks she can handle the world?

I dunno... sometimes i believe everything goes fine, even though i've seen many evidences to the contrary.

But then i tend to pick the loose cozy approach, in which i believe that it's my perception and decision to feel what i want to, regardless the stimulating situation.

I thought it was a pro-active life approach.

I believe any kind of pop psychology writer will agree with me, call Dr. Phil and he'll snatch me to be in his rescue team.

However, as time goes by, many comforting and conforming decisions have been made, i began to think... whether i've become too delusional to get in touch with my real emotion.

Have you ever been in that situation?

When your heart is so full of joy, your head is determined and your soul responded accordingly, you come to a term of 'freedom'.

Yes, you're freed from your physical situation, excluded from worldly interference and you have no emotion to express but CONTENTMENT AND GRATIFICATION.

I'm not saying this is bad at all. Wow! NO way jose ! if this state of being is awfully categorised, then nothing will matter in this world.

What i'm worried about all these is if i've become too immuned with the outside world. And that i'm actually deluding myself, living in my illusory realm. I'm afraid that i'm TOO content, that i'll shut down myself from people's interference, that nothing else matters but God and myself.

Is it wrong?

...to be continued...

My Emotionally-Challenged ASS!

FUCK EVERYONE!

that's it!

Preambule

my life is an unfinished orgasm at the moment.

confused and unsatisfied.

even though it's not the bottom line of all, but something clutters my mind. my beloved loves me and vice versa. love stays but doubt never leaves. blame myself for being unbended, blame him to be too honest, blame the universe for uniting us, blame the love... to be...

how much should you give up in a relationship? be it lovers, family, friends and God.

well, God has granted me life and joy, that's for sure. sometimes i'm idiotic enough to be reluctant to switch the button on.

my love, my fears, all shaken up, in a fresh smoothie called life, virtually and dreams.

my love manifests virtually.

my fears haunt me in a subconscious world. every sleep, almost every night, someone chases me... run baby, run...

my family is always in the picture. why them?

God, are you playing with me?

i'm shaken and afraid... have i been doing things right?

but He said "dont be afraid, my child"

i believe nothing's wrong... or right as a value judgement. it's only when it does not serve our highest purpose.

but God, i plan things too... You said you gives me freedom , please God, dont play with my mind... You're one cheeky creator

things might go wrong... but why should i be afraid if i have You?

God, i love him... but my heart was broken for a while. not only due to the confession, but it kills me to realise that i judged him. God, who am i to judge him?

I'm just afraid, Big Dude. just afraid...

"Fear is the opposite of love" "Love ... and you shall not fear"

Baby... love is unconditional...  dont distract yourself with fear... love brings joy...

no one has perfect history... easy to say... when you face the truth, your heart aches... longs for justification and delusion...

When you love, you dont lose...

Baby, love...