Twisted Scribble: An Escapade with A Sensual Spirit

I guess i'm just bored...!

Infatuation Phase I: Stricken!

The first act in the life of an infatuation is that magic moment when someone suddenly takes on "special" meaning for us.

You hear a phrase or a particular inflection in someone's voice that strikes a chord in your heart. You are struck by the exact tilt of his head. You are warmed by a gaze or an unexpected tenderness. An intriguing remark goes straight to your soul. Or, perhaps from a respectable distance, you notice legs or skin or hair (or a more private physical trait) to die for. Lightning has struck.

Infatuation Phase II: Intrusive Thinking

After the bolt of lightening comes a storm of intrusive thinking about the desired one.

Every experience you now have seems interwoven with their qualities, every shared moment weighted with new meaning. When apart from them, you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminate on their flavor. In fact, many infatuation informants report spending 80 to 100 percent of their time compulsively trying to crystallize the vision of their new love, living in vigilant expectation of the next contact.

Infatuation Phase III: Idealization

Early in the intrusive thinking phase, idealization sets in. The erotic sizzle permeates everything and creates that famous halo with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, the infatuee sees no flaws in the beloved and admits to no blocks to forward progress.

Infatuation Phase IV: The Emotional Rollercoaster

From this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty which has funded libraries of poetry.

At this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Infatuation is now more consciously driven by simple fear. In fact, The Nagging Fear of Not Getting What You Have Begun to Desire is the unique torment reserved for the infatuated elite.

This pattern of human experience is as well-documented as any emotional experience has ever been. You can find poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, and filtering through the voices all around you. It is a famous and favorite form of anguish.

But how can something so uncomfortable be so irresistible?

One-Year-Itch!

Why a person so good looking... and so unattainable...

Cant believe after (EXACTLY) ONE YEAR... i'm still hot about you....  (man, i'm so pathetic :D)

-itchy gal-

The Gentle Art of Ferocious Lovemaking

Horny Target at the moment:

Cyril Mourali

Career : French Actor

............

Cyril ... Voulez-vous coucher avec moi... ce soir

Imagined and written by:

Baby

Ps. to my beloved, this has got nothing to do with you... Remember, it's mid-month ... you are still my love interest, kissy-poo...

Emotionally Slutty

You know you can describe yourself in a thousand ways.

One of my indistict characters to most is being Emotionally Slutty from time to time.

Ask my beloved; how many times has he watched me crying without any reasonable, distinct or sensible reason? Countless, he might answer.

Look, it's not that i'm proud of it, but when i feel close to someone, i can just open up and let my pride wither away, ie. crying for stupid stuff.

Yes, we girls cry during Beautiful Mind and Pretty Woman (coz such guy doesnt exist... and my beloved thinks Richard Gere stinks :( ) and dozens of romantic movies.

But how could i sob over Law and Order: Trial by Jury? it just doesnt add up.

You see, sometimes as a woman i feel extremely privileged. We always have excuses for our unstable emotion or deteriorating performance at one stage.

I always get away with the PMS excuse everytime i whinge on small stuff. And my extremely understanding beloved will comment no more.

And during this time, i can be so sook (i dunno how to spell the word, but my beloved always calls me this everytime i shed more than 3 drops of tears).   

When Friends series were over... i cried

When i saw a little boy in a mall being ignored by his mom ... i sobbed

When i saw the refugee and poverty ads on tv... geez... i changed my sheet

Even thinking about sad stuff that does not happen in real life can force a teardrop out of my eyes. ISNT IT PREPOSTEROUS? crying over virtual thing?... my mind really takes over my body.

Last time when i nagged about my life to my beloved, i had to wash my new towel because it's full of my teardrops and snort (ick@!#)...

I guess, despite my tough and independent exterior, plus my eternal claim of absolute loner...

i'm just a wussy pussy...

3 versus Infinite

Good gracious God!

here i am again, scribbling and rambling stuff on and on as usual...

i suppose my intention is a bit devious, as i'm trying to do anything to steer clear of my assignment.

Guess who's back... back again...! The old lazy Baby.

Only now i'm back as a Master of Accounting student, not an idealist Arts pupil whose aspiration revolves around the attempts to oppose pervasive government and being an obstinate essay writer.

Yeah, i just had an enjoyable chat with my long-time congenial friend. A little trip back the memory lane, talking how zany i was, and complaining on how now i can no longer perform my old accomplishing-1500-word-essay-a-day routine... given that now i'm thinking for someone else's interest hence i have to be more logical and sensible.

Ugh, it's really hard to think within boundaries and to write when your imagination is shackled. It is quite funny provided that i train myself to think outside the box.

Anyway enough about that, today i had a 'Melbourne weather' day, which means i experienced at least 4 types of weathers. Low, perplexed, frustrated, excited, dissapointed, cheery, perplexed again, frustrated again, happy and now tired and guilty (as i haven't done anything valuable for my assignment)

yeah, looks like i made the right order

All and all what i learnt today was... no matter how low and stumped i feel, i can always hold onto people i love (my beloved and my friends for today)

and a special acknowledgement i reserve for my oldie best friend Kiky...(hiyyaaa... i miss you heaps lahhhh) who submitted her comment. very encouraging in the time of need like now, it gives me more reason to keep blabbing on this forum. Thanks gal...

Another thing i learnt as well today is that i'm over-committing myself. I voluntarily involve myself in numerous activities which in some ways could affect adversely to my sanity and health.

Come to think about it, my mind and conscience remain baffled on its irony.

My initial intention to jump into all these things was to develop myself and enhance my life skills, which is proven and tested to some extent.

But i feel like lately i couldn't accomplish things and i'm always on the run to do something.

Is this painstaking process worth the result?

or am i doing this the right way?

I've been thinking much about what kind of person i'm going to be, career wise.

In my theory, there are two types of people in the way they're approaching their career aspiration:

1. Focused and determined people. I genuinely admire these people as they devote a significant period of their life to focus on one area and strive to be the best at it. Names like Murdoch, Branson and Gates are the well-known graduates of this institute. I'm tempted to put Jesus in this category since He's given all His life to teach the truth and accomplished it with unsurpassed faithfulness. But He's also done other things like being a carpenter and stuff, although it doesnt really matter.

I've seen many people who work in the same industry for tens of years and thrive. I suppose that's how they thrive in life, by exploring one area and get the best out of it.

2. Now, this box contains people who have job history longer than Paris Hilton's fuck buddy list. They are attracted to ever-changing environment, interested in many things, and easily seduced by challenge. Many reasons drive them to do this, they could be blessed with many talents or the right job hasn't just landed yet so they keep digging and searching.

I will categorise myself in this group for both reasons... hehhehe... nah, i am interested in many things. For me i'm better off knowing little about many things than having a thorough knowledge about one field. Coz life is an unpredictable journey, you need different tools to deal with every situation.

My dream careers range from being a Business/Communication Consultant, opening my own craft and fashion shop, becoming a successful writer, to being a professional Belly Dancer.

However, my ultimate vision or life calling, shall i say, is to be a Community Developer in Developing Nations, carrying humanitarian mission to people in need. yeah, weird huh if you refer to my previous list. I believe i receive this vision from God and no matter what i'll do or be, i know i will come to this point. Sooner or later. And whatever careers or activities i do are intended to equip and prepare myself for this highest calling.

So now i tempt to re-test my position. Do i actually belong in the first category? or should i put myself outside the box?

Oh well...

So which box are you in?

Toe be or Not Toe be...

New day, new hope, new trouble...

Few days ago I went for an interview for the job that I wanted so ugly. You see, I have few theories about wanting something so badly.

First, do Un-Want it!!! No matter what!! It’s like that reverse psychology system. Somehow someday the universe will reserve something you deserve. All you have to do is just to act nonchalant. It reminds me that this rule applies for all first daters.

This happens to people who see life as an endless irony.

Second, don't Un-Want it if you desire it genuinely. Yes, it sounds like those

Hollywood

movies which portray faith-will-fruit-in-the-end-if-you-really-hold-onto-it stuff.

This is a more jolly and naive approach to life. And it still amazes me how

Hollywood

still sells this stuff despite the flourishing of terrorism and the attack of 'Desperate Housewives' on my TV screen.

Anyway, in an attempt to nourish the healthier side of my soul, I picked the second option. So I was being a nice girl, who said nice things they wanted to hear from me. And I believed the interviewer liked me… or did she?   

After the interview, I was so assured that I would manage this one, and then I shopped my last bucks for unnecessary items (as if there's necessary item) as a way to celebrate and reward myself. I guess Body Shop, Review and Myer celebrate my blunder.

It didn’t stop there.

In a journey to indulge my curiosity, I hopped into a tram whose route I had no idea about. In the end, it terminated about 3-4 kames from my house. And no other means of transportation were available.

God bless the tram...

I walked home in my precious heels.

God bless the heels.

Just a flash: Walking with blistered toes in pointy heels is not the healthiest exercise.

My toes were bloated; and I believed, somewhere between the red light and Exeloo (the mobile loo, yesss... that loo where you excrete your human dirt  in... now they can move... talking about 'advanced technology for all the wrong reasons') I could feel my toes INTERTWINED! Whoa, not a pretty scene for a Sex and The City chick.

My idiosyncrasy has finally found its way to betray me.

When I managed to get home, I tossed the cursed shoes off only to find my shapeless feet.

Anyway, after nights and days of following feet re-shaping program conducted by my butcher, now they look slightly less horror. I’m just a bit irritated with that little veal tucked inside my pinkie toe... does anyone know how to get rid of it?

Finally, what's the morale of this rambling?

I guess to learn that a faith is not a faith until it passes the test and to carry an extra pair of runners in my bag, no matter what.

Anyway, she promised to let me know the result by the end of the week, which has passed two days ago. I still yet didn’t receive the call.

But as I said, a faith is not a faith until it passes the test.

Well, maybe she IS testing my faith and patience.

So, should I wait until the end of the week in June? Hmmm...

In the end, the Body Shop, Myer and Review fancy shopping bags remain unopened. They are sitting nicely at the corner of my room.

Yet I’m still wondering, are you allowed to pick your nose during the interview? Ups…

PANTS OFF!

today i did a good deed for a questioned cause.

everytime you ask your mind whether the action reflects your cause, then your good old faithful heart reminds you of things behind things. why do we need reasoning?

cant we just do a thing for the sake of it?

cant we just be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship... instead of mending our loneliness, wanting to love and be loved, desiring someone, using them or even expecting to grow up with it (which is a wiser reasoning)...???

cant we just love God for the sake of loving Him (or Her or It) ... and not because He (or She or It) is the Supreme and supposed to be loved or due to His (or Her or Its) initial love or oddly because we're afraid of Him (or Her or It)...???

I love driving aimlessly and tuning on my CD with blasting sound. Today i decided to detour, made an extra few kms just to listen to Blaque "I'm Good"... attempting to synchronise my feelings with the tune.

So i thought i had no reasoning. But i knew at the back of my mind i was trying to convince myself to feel good, listen to the song... with a hope that i'd walk in with a smile. You see, there's always a reason... always...

The ultimate question of human race would probably be "what is the reason i live in this world?"

My housemates and I just had a rather higher degree conversation, talking about life, reincarnation and ET... (i was shocked that after a very long time, a group of chicks can finally have a quality conversation without 'boys' concern in it :))

I wouldn't deny the existence of ET creature... we have no disprove. (thanks to my beloved's penchant for sci-fi materials, now passed on me)

And a key to knowledge is to assume that the pre-set things you believe to be true are wrong (be it "you have to get married with someone from your tribe" or "atom is the smallest particle" notions) and all the things you know wrong are right (i wouldnt jump the gun and present extreme stuff like "sins and judgement day" but perhaps things like "duck's quack doesn't echo" would be more comfortable for newbies)

well in other words... be open to possibilities.

To my beloved who probably reads my stuff, i brought back the Conversations With God book with me, sorry darl... but it'll be great resource for your philosophy drama or ... life... ours?

Last words... PANTS OFF! i've been jiggling to wee...